Love yourself first

That’s right. It is okay to love yourself first, loved ones. In fact, it is critical that you do, or learn to do so for the sake of you and for the sake of others. Does that sound or feel counter-intuitive?

I’m sure you have heard of the famous concept we get from the airplane advice of “put your own oxygen mask on first before you assist someone else with theirs,” right? I remember hearing this on the plane when my son was a toddler this seemed absolutely absurd to me. Of course I was going to put his mask on first! At that time in my life, his needs as a very small person eclipsed the needs of everyone else, including myself. Perhaps as it should. I don’t know. That was my instinct at the time.

Eventually, I began to understand the meaning of this idea better, as I matured as a mother. Or, maybe as I began to lose my sanity as a mother! Even if we don’t have children, many of us are born natural mothers. We nurture, we guide, we protect, we heal, we feed, we cloth and we soothe others. And this gives our lives purpose and meaning. Hey, there is nothing wrong with that. It is the most beautiful gift in the world, to be able to love others with our whole hearts.

And, we must also give ourselves the love we are worthy of. We cannot truly give from an empty tank. I mean, we can, and we do, usually at the expense of our well being in one way or another. This is not a sacrifice that is really doing anyone a favor! Love is an inherent human need to survive, like breath. It nourishes us and we all need it.

When we begin to love and honor ourselves, allowing ourselves some space to care for ourselves first, sometimes with some assertive boundaries, we give ourselves permission to be selfish and do what recharges us, or restores us. We are filling our own tank. We are showing respect for who we are.

We can even be romantic with ourselves by having a date with ourselves. Give yourself the attention you want. Pretend Love is your date, your partner, and just wants to give you everything you have ever dreamt of! Dine with Love, dance with Love, sleep with Love. Lose yourself in Love.

To remember you are worthy of love is a deep gift you can give yourself. In the words of poet and activist, Sonya Renee Taylor, On the idea of radical self-love:

“What I like to remind people is that radical self-love is not a place you have to get to. You came here already in love with yourself. You have never seen a self-loathing toddler in all your days. They arrive on the planet as love. That way we arrived and where we are today is the work, is the thing to dismantle. What are the messages in stories I told myself and that others have told me and that society has told me that has me think that I am not already [in] radical self-love? And as we begin to peel back those stories, what begins to rise is who we inherently are. It's the great time of excavation. 

In this particular moment, what do we deeply want to see come about in our own lives? And what do we deeply want to see come about in the world? It's the time to ask big questions and be gentle and gracious with answers that come to us, and really think about who is it that I am inherently and what is in the way of me living the fullness of that in my life? I think we have the chance to do that right now.”

This Valentines Day, do yourself a big favor and Love Yourself First. Do not lose yourself in others in order to avoid loving yourself. Love yourself now! Love has room for all of us. Even you.

“When no one is around, love will always love you.” ~Cat power

If you want or need help learning how to love yourself more, please reach out to me, I will help.

Love you,

Erin