What Is self-compassion and what makes it challenging to practice for so many of us?
Everything we need already exists inside of us to Heal our wounds.
Begin with offering yourself some kindness.
What is it about the values we live by that condition us from an early age to judge ourselves, rather than meet ourselves with kindness when we are struggling with being human? What purpose does judgement serve? Have you ever considered what would happen if you chose to meet yourself with tenderness instead of criticism when you’ve made a mistake or felt inadequate? Have you ever tried it?
This is the essence of self-compassion: Being kind to ourselves, the way we might be kind to someone we care about when they are suffering. It is turning our compassion inward, to nurture ourselves in the very way we need to be understood, seen, heard and felt for. It is a very powerful tool, to first notice what part of you needs attention, and then a learned capacity to give that emotional part of you some compassion and love. Does it need a hug, or a pep talk or a bowl of soup?
Sounds easy enough, right? Well, maybe not. For many of my clients, it seems that deep rooted criticism has acted as a system of motivation for achievement, or so I’ve heard. The messaging seems to be, if I do more, do better, have more, have better, be more, be better, then I can finally feel more and feel better! It is an endless unsatisfactory chase. The high from achievement is short-lived and rarely celebrated for long before we are onto the next ambition. And further, if I mess it up, I am a failure and unworthy of wellbeing. Is this true? Or are these thoughts ingrained in us as a survival response to our culture of origin and the values it holds us accountable to?
We are all inherently worthy of wellbeing, friends. We are also inherently imperfect. We are human beings. We are flawed and we are beautiful that way. We make mistakes and we learn from them. We grow from our life’s lessons and become wiser as the years go on. We are wired for love. We need love. We are motivated by love. A very basic human survival need is love, from others certainly, and also from ourselves. Self-compassion is a gateway to self-validation, self-respect, self-love. It is balm to heal our wounds. It is simply an exercise of kindness and empathy toward ourselves.
Self-compassion was not taught to most of us as we were growing up. It will take learning how to practice it and will take lots of practice before it becomes habit. It starts with a willingness to drop into our heart space, to allow ourselves to feel under the tougher exterior that our minds have created to protect us from feeling vulnerable. Once we begin this practice though, a whole world opens up to us, a new way of living life. A new way of relationship with ourselves, and with others too, as a result.
If you are ready to begin to learn or deepen the practice of self-compassion and work through what is getting in your way, I am here for you. You deserve love. You are worthy of love. Call me and let’s begin.
~Erin
